alcohol post

1st post at here for 2012.

The new year is here, i though our relationship had change better, but..

Again, here am i. Another argue in this 2012， izzit wrong when i too care for you, maybe i not good in word. I really not meant to blame. i just worry about you. 2 more month , i will far away from you to intern. How can i concentration when you still cant take care yourself properly? Never and never. You never know my feeling now. You always say 'think for future.' Are we have future? I still hope you're my future, but seem like not the same for you.

not sure

i tried to not enter here. Cuz i know when i enter here sure i feel sadness. Stress for this relationship...i tried to get my best to everything..you dislike i ignor..but i like you ignor sometime also..1 year 2 month le..do you know already 2 month no celebrate and also no any msg le..izzit means something has change in this relationship le? I not sure..i hope it not..but i hard to calm down my heart. I cant stop thinking it..i not sure whether you feel it..since tippy email you about thing..it really have some tiny problem has change le.at lease my heart is telling mii that..and this few week..you let mii feel you are cold.. Make mii feel wanna hide whatever problem in deeper..Without telling no matter wad..i not sure what had i dint wrong..i duno..i not sure is because your school homework make you feel stress or else.. How can i jump out from this feeling.. I not want too much..just wanna know what are you thinking.. Or if you really wanna to give up let mii know early..cuz i feel i cant without you le..if you dont tell mii earlier i scare i cant jump out from here forever..my heart is start to thin down from now..how long still can thin it? I so suffering..it is so painful..

make a wrong decision?

Am i wrong? am i really wrong for make this kind of decision..can i let you know? i'm really not rich than you..somo more i dislike to get the money for them. i dislike them action fir mii..so i really wish that i can earn some money by myself before school.i know that you worry mii so much..but i dunno wad you worry about? worry about mii alone forget to eat ? or worry about mii give someone kacau? or worry about mii get bully ? i really wish to know..right now i really confuse..i dunno wad should i do you will be happy..i dunno how should i do you wont be sad and hurt....i hate this kind of feeling..' Life sucks at certain point that you wish to give up.' wad means for you at certain point? wad you wish to give up ? mii? or our relation? can you really give up ? i admit sometimes i was have bad and worst emotion..i admit that i like to think so many..and i also admit that when i think so many will become my brain not cleanly..but that is mii..when i really care for someone..when i really love someone..when i already put so many time to growth up this relation. i really will think so many nor it is good for this relation or not...it always make mii like mad.it always make mii cry like hell in everynight..and always make mii dream something that i hate..the dream can make mii cant sleep anymore at whole night even another night..i wish that you know i wont love you less than you love mii..but more than you...but i feel like you wont know this forever..i wish that you know i really very hard to maintant this relation myself but you never feel..and i try to dont think about your feeling when i already make for some decison but it cant for mii...i wish that you know..i love you that i really do...

again

20th Dec...the 5th day that i work...today is something difference..i work full with dar..break with dar...but we dint say anything i was unhappy at the time...so i was quite all at the time..why? cuz i feel i'm useless..i cant do anything to dar when she was gastric...anything way can make dar feel comfortable?? no...it just stomach ache..just keep pain and pain...dar start ask mii wad i'm happen...i don't know how to let dar know...just after 5min...we start quarrel..why dar cant understand wad i'm thinking..? i feel no an quan gan... dar with christopher have good relationship..and christopher also break up with his gf...i really worry bout his relationship..i'm scare...i just feel wanna cry at now...

RM 51

这一双手机吊饰，可能也不会送到你手上了吧！因为我认为你不会戴在身边也！太明显了！算吧！真的不能送出的话就留在我身边吧！

第一次

12thDec09

今天是第一次吧？这应该是第一次我感到我们真的在吵架！那一刻，我的心真的真的已经飞到你身边了，整套戏到底说什么我不知道！当我知道你找不到我在担心我的时候！Chris Lau 你到底明白我说话吗？你了解我的心情吗？你知道我在担心吗？你发觉我的害怕吗？自从， Darius对你有一种说不出的好时，我就变得很爱哭，你明白为什么吗？我感觉到，从你开始做工后，我的不安渐渐的扩大吗？你大部分的时间已经奉献给LEVI'S了！我有吵么？我没有。我听到有人叫你老婆，我有发脾气么？我没有。我不吵不代表我没有感觉，我不吵不代表我不在乎，我不吵不代表我没吃醋，我不吵不代表我不爱你！只是，我这个傻瓜自己把气咕噜咕噜的吞下而已，和你在一起，我知道我配不上你，我很努力把我们的距离拉的最近，明知不能我也去尝试。可是，我很辛苦，但从没埋怨过什么。因为这一切我都认为值得。那天，你妈知道我们的事了，我可以跟你一起的时间很少很少了。我的不安满满的加大加大，直到你说‘38’跟你说的那些话，我彻底崩溃！或许，使我敏感，但也可能他真的喜欢你啊！你有想过吗？我一直坚持说我要做工，你有认真的去想原因吗？我真的担心你会在那边遇到比我好一百倍的，所以才想说，在你身边工作！就会没有事情！你说你在呼我你担心我！我想说我何尝不是呢？你什么都藏在你心里，我会知道吗？是谁答应我什么事都会告诉我的？后来呢？结果呢？什么都没有！你并没有做到！我能怎么样？我也没有吵！你担心，我宁愿你骂我，也不想你现在这样！我真得很大压力！我从来没想过要让你有这种感觉！所以，我也不打算把这篇感言，流传出去！默默的在心里收着就好了！对不起，谢谢，我爱你！

wad can i do??

7 Dec 09

chris's mom maybe know the relation between us..wad should i do? should i leave she?? i dont wan do to that..that is mii and she's things..i'm not with her mom...why her mom want do that...yay..maybe she is chris's mom...but did she think about us?? she have think that we already put many courage in this relation...i can sure that she also have paktuo before..if she's mom do the same thing that she do did she will leave her lover?? i know that now we are not in a normal love life...but it also is love...is our love..please chris's mom..i'm begging you...please dont force someone leaving someone..we will not do that..